Maybe because the new year is coming, but I’ve been quite reflective. Especially about the prayers I’ve prayed, or accidentally prayed, over the years. So in keeping with the theme of the last post (In the waiting) about prayers not answered YET, I’m going to talk about times when God changed me through my prayers, which in turn changed the original prayer.
Probably the most funny and embarrassing thing I’ll write, but when I was a teen, I created a crazy prank list of future husband requirements with little rhyme or reason. A page full of contradictory listings just so no one I knew would EVER POSSIBLY THINK that I would like him (yes, I was THAT person…).
While I let people know about the crazy list meant to throw anyone off the trail, I did have another list (it was quite popular growing up early 20’s to make these “future-husband-prayer-wish-lists.”) I don’t think anyone saw this list, except for God, and I definitely prayed over this list. Adding more and more stipulations about how I’d like to meet Mr. Future Guy, things he would say so I would JUST KNOW it was a sign from God, etc., etc.
Looking back all those years ago…I had control issues. A need for perfectionism, definitely for myself, but also in my dreams of a future husband. I wouldn’t wish my old self on any guy! I am so glad God did not answer my prayers the way I prayed them. As I walked (and struggled) with God through my season of singleness, He changed my perspective on so many things and built up my character to a much kinder and caring version of Natalie.
A super helpful game changer for my heart transformation was when someone encouraged people to pray the 1 Corinthians “love” scriptures not only over their future spouse, but for themselves, that they begin developing the qualities they desired in a spouse.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a ESV
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends…
My perfectionist tendencies needed to brake. It would have suffocated any marriage. College destroyed a huge part of that (Read “My Identity“), as I couldn’t keep up with my own impossible standards. (While I am still a recovering perfectionist, having kids REALLY KNOCKS that out of you XD)
Fast forward to 23 year old me. About two weeks before meeting my future husband, God strongly impressed upon my heart the lyrics of Tenth Ave North’s “Control.”
God, You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To open my hands up
And give You control
I sensed God was saying, “Natalie, do you trust Me? You’re going to have to let go if so.”
What ensued was meeting and marrying my husband within a two year period, loads of long distance in the relationship, and so many unconventional side twists to our story where the old me would’ve been throwing in the towel saying, “NO!!! This is out of my control. I don’t know where things are going, I don’t know how to predict anything. I’m done.” But the Natalie transformed through the years of God lovingly NOT answering my prayers the way I prayed them was ready for how the Lord brought my husband and me together. His way, His timing, His plan for a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of guy.
All those “signs” I prayed God would give me so I would KNOW it was the right guy? They were really veiled attempts created out of my controlling nature.
All those “future husband requirements” on my teenage prayer list? I look at that old paper now and laugh (and cringe…).
I’m so grateful God didn’t answer all my prayers just the way I prayed them. He definitely did answer my prayers for a future husband!
And that other crazy list of requirements teenage Natalie made up to throw any boy off the trail? I was washing dishes recently and looking out the kitchen window. My husband was outside doing his wood work. I smiled. A carpenter was on that crazy list, something I did secretly hope for in a guy. Turns out God also sifts through your jokes.
P.S. Here’s the Tenth Ave North Song!
Questions or comments? Start a discussion with NK below!
Natalie Kristiana is a singing pianist by trade, wife, mom of two delightfully rambunctious ones, and sleep-lacker (Who needs that anyway?). Jesus is her everything.
nataliekristiana.com 
Questions or comments? Start a discussion below!